Deterrence

There are a lot of mixed emotions I feel in terms of what's happening in America right now. On one hand, I'm actually glad to see so many people finally concerned with bullying and the consequences. On the other hand, it's very disheartening to know that this problem didn't just begin. It's been a problem for many, many years, and it's unfortunate that it took so long for people to open their eyes to it.

I started writing Deterrence, my first feature script, last Fall. It's a script that is very dear to my heart because it was inspired by my sister's personal experience being bullied. I started thinking years ago when it was happening to her, 'Why aren't kids punished more severely for this. Bullying is a disease that spreads from person to person and no one wants to stop it because no one thinks it's that big of a deal; people grow out of it at some point.' What I've learned years later is that they don't grow out of it. The bullies get meaner and the victims get weaker.

If you read this (and my rant hasn't turned you off yet) I encourage you to read more of my blog articles and give me some advice on how to make Deterrence better. I'm always looking for feedback.

It's Been a While...

Even though I'm on co-op right now, and stopped blogging, that doesn't mean I stopped writing.

Currently, I'm working on a new feature "Retraction," about a man who helps people get rid of things after they've lost a family member/friend for a living. I'm now in the process of trying to make this as interesting as it sounds.

Also, I'm fixing (what I hope will turn into my award winning feature) Deterrece. Since I last blogged about this script, much has changed, hopefully for the better.

After these two projects, I already have a science fiction idea for a feature that I CANNOT WAIT to start. If you know me, you know I've been trying to come up with a revolutionary science fiction idea for two years. It will be a TOP SECRET project. My father Bill, who introduced me to the genre when I was very young and who knows more about physics and astrology than he would give himself credit for, will consult on the project (the next Arthur C Clark and Stanley Kubrick ladies and gentlemen).

That's all folks.

Final draft...for now

This script is definitely something I intend to keep working on. There are still many things that need fixing. The side love stories, for instance. Also, some scenes still feel awkward to me, like whenever Kate's sister comes up, especially at the end. I want it to be meaningful...not just a way to get exposition. And I need to keep researching courtroom procedure.

All in all, I'm proud of it.

What's next?

I'm writing a horror film with a friend in the major. He loves horror movies and I like good horror movies (the kind that actually have a purpose and not just meant to scare the hell out of you). It should be interesting to see what we come up with.

I'm also going to finally try comedy. I've been avoiding it because it's not something I think I'll be good at, but we'll see. I thought of an idea that I'm looking forward to fleshing out over co-op.

New Scenes

I kept thinking that something was missing in the script, so I added two scenes. One is Jayden in the hospital, having his friends come to visit. I did this for a few reasons. I wanted to show as much as possible in the beginning of the script that Limits is a "bad kid." I want the audience's affection for Limits and sympathy to grow as they read. So the hospital scene is meant to deceive the audience into believing that Jayden is a "good guy." It also introduces the idea of easy fixes, which is a theme throughout the script. And further, it shows that Father Crogan chooses which students to worry about.

Another scene I added is the back and forth between Aubrey going to the viewing for Mike and Limits in the Juvenile Detention Center again being bullied around by other kids. The close relationship between Brodie and Limits comes out in this scene because for the first time, someone (Brodie) helps Limits when he needed it. It also shows that even though the adults are standing in a church, they treat Aubrey like an outcast. This is also the Pinch I was looking for to give Kate a setback before she loses the hearing. After the hearing, the situation changes and what Kate was trying so hard to do (keep the case juvie) fails, so now the script switches to the criminal arena, the place Kate thought she didn't want to go.

"the only thing constant is change"

...and I'm continuing to make changes.

I realize that in taking out the large chunks of my script in the last draft, I left a lot of things unanswered and a few scenes have some technical problems. All of this will be fixed for the final draft. I also noticed that I left Brodie's story kind of up in the air, and I want to give his ending more of a purpose for Limits.

Done Second Draft!

Even though I'm much more satisfied with this draft, it's possible I may have taken out too much. I have to go back and see if everything makes sense.

Also, a huge problem I'm still having is incorporating all of the characters in the whole script. It's my fault that I have so many characters, so I have to fix that.

Now that I made the change from juvenile to criminal court the midpoint, I think that works much better. AND IT'S A LOT SHORTER =)

Thank you snow!

I finished my new outline this morning and I've fixed up to the midpoint. I'm trying to cut out as much as possible and not add anything new to make it longer.

Thanks to the snow, it's a great day to stay in bed and write =)

Ending

As much as I think about the ending, and as much as I'd love to have it end happily, I don't think I'm keeping it this way.

For a child to be dead, that's kind of extreme to not have a punishment for Limits in the end, even if he was bullied. And btw I'm going to make the bullying much worse. I realize after reading over the script that I can make it much worse for him so that I can get the jury's sympathy. I'm going to have the jury's verdict come out as innocent, but then have the judge overrule it. What's the punishment going to be? Stay tuned...

Second Draft

I just read over Professor Kaufhold's notes (spelling and grammar are clearly not my strong points when I'm writing quickly). I made some notes on my copy. Instead of fixing the ending, I'm going to hold off on that and just work on character development. Now that I have images on paper of what I want my characters to be like, I definitely have to work on a few things, Kate and Jeff's relationship for one.

First Rough Draft

So I finished the entire script last night...and it's super long. But the good thing is, now everything is on paper and I have a basis for the story.

Because so much information comes out throughout the script, I need to eliminate things that are repeated over and over. I don't want too much coming out before the trial begins, but I also think certain things need to be saved for the trial. There are also a few things I'd like to add that builds on the characters. Right now I feel like there are very dry, so that's the first thing I'm going to tackle.

Also, about the verdict. There are two ways I saw this going when I was writing it last night. I chose the sappy yay Limits wins and all is right with the world ending, but an alternate ending I thought of was having Limits found guilty, he serves some time in prison (going for more of a realistic conclusion) and show a scene where Jayden transfers to a different school, he gives geek his "watch out" look, and the cylce continues because he has yet to be stopped. I happen to like leaving the movie theatre with a giddy feeling that everything worked out for the best, but I'm still on the fense about this one.

court

As I was writing the actual court part of the script, I had the sudden idea that maybe instead of Kate arguing Limits is innocent (since he clearly killed someone and injured two other people) I would have her change the plea that Aubrey kept telling her to take and get Aubrey to accept a plea of guilty by self defense. This would be the big turning point that leads to Act 3. Kate would argue that Limits asked for help and didn't receive none, he thought he was in danger and protected himself. She's would argue that mental abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse.

I'd have to research if whether or not this is plausible in terms of how to change a plea, when, and all the details of the self defense plea, but it's just something I've been thinking about...and this would take place before the trial starts (the day Kate gives her opening statement) depending on if that's actually legally how it's done.